Shadows of you flicker on a wall, In a tunnel of my mind, In a sea of tragic glimpses. Seemingly never endless, In the concessions of my wakefulness. I reach out, Only to have my hand slapped back, Again and again, By some matriarchal deity, Ever present in my oppression. Why must it be this way? Solitude...surrender just once, To this blissful moment of peace. That enraptures me, encases me, Embodies me, swaddles...No...bondage... But not in pain, comfort. Inflict pain as you will, It doesn't reach me here...in this place. Your words slip through me as a breath. In....out....heave it in. I swallow it down. Silent for a entirely long moment, As the tear in me builds, Only to gasp for a painful sigh, That releases an unbridled sob. And the tears of my loneliness and oppression, Glide in a dance, Down my face, Across my cheeks, Only to dissipate into the floor... Where they have always gone, To touch no one. Oh, to dream of the day, That just one of my tears Should fall upon your skin. That you would feel everything in me, That is in it, In you. I see a day... From a not so distant past. Bloodied and lain amidst my own, Unconscious yet awake, Wishing it was over. Insistence from others to do against my will. Left me awake and wandering again in solitude. Wouldn't I have been better off left alone? I felt so warm there laying in my own. I watched it flow around me, Felt it encompass me, Felt my clothes become saturated in me. As I drifted off, Only to be awakened by shouting voices, In and out of my consciousness. Why must it always be that way? No matter how hard I try, No matter which road I take... Always interference. It was once told to me, That my mess was turned into a message, That needed to be delivered. I have tried to deliver that, In more ways than one, But when will it be my turn? When do I feel something... Something other than....This, This dance with my head like a symphony Builds to the crescendo ....kill me..... Then wallows into ineptness and solitude, Winding around down a road to drowning in loneliness, Then prances up and down, Skips and runs playfully, Laughs in insanity,Kicks its head back in laughter, Then glances around, For who ever maybe watching. Looks for victims to seduce. Grabs at anything it can take with it. And begins again like a square dance, To and fro, back and forth, What you see is what you get... Or is it? Don't look to closely... You may see the strings, or the ace up the sleeve... A silly grin, Barred teeth, Then a gnashed growl...and SNAP I'm biting and another dance begins You got to close and now I'm backing away. How dare you touch my heart!?! Its all your fault. The orchestra enter stage left, Rage rears its ugly head Its all over for you dear child. Who did you think you were to mess with me anyways? Momma gonna knock you out. Fuck you and all you stand for. I see you for what you really are...Or do I, I look down from my self proclaimed pedestal, As the orchestra director. Only to see that I am a hypocrite, And the song remains the same. Back to the proverbial drawing board again, Things will never change... And the crescendo builds....kill me....